This film jumps around more than a caffeinated squirrel in a trampoline factory. One minute you’re watching Vincent (John Travolta) take his boss’s wife out for milkshakes and impromptu resuscitation, the next you’re in a basement watching a gimp and wondering where all your life choices went wrong. It’s the story of a hitman, a boxer, a briefcase, a foot massage, and several unfortunate misunderstandings involving bullets and upholstery, but I was on the edge of my seat like I accidentally sat on a loaded pistol. In the end, there's redemption, revenge, dancing, divine intervention, and Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) quoting the Bible with the intensity of a man who's just found out his church picnic was canceled. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll check your wallet… it will be gone.

In what could have been the ultimate publicity stunt for skin care, a quiet Maryland seaside town’s annual celebration is turned upside down as people burst into pustules like it’s a clearance sale at the contagion outlet. As mutated aquatic bugs with the personality of a lawnmower decide to crash the party, thanks to some radioactive chicken poop and light municipal negligence (you know, small town stuff), these little monsters sneak in through the water supply. As the mayor insists everything is fine, his electorate can’t seem to stop vomiting, panicking, and developing boils the size of meatballs. The uninfected realize there’s only one thing left for them to do: try to record the outbreak on every digital device available, which is now standard emergency protocol. Will these amateur YouTubers get their message out to the public? Will they survive to see another day? And most importantly, will they need to cancel the parade?

Everything seemed normal - just until it didn’t… a group of teens entering the woods for rehabilitation; local drug dealers using steroids to boost their weed crop; and gooey cocoons popping up in the forest. But we learn quickly that troubled teens, enhanced pot farms, and Mother Nature start biting back when eight legged parasites get involved with drugs. If science has taught us anything it’s that ticks, ‘roid rage, and the munchies don’t mix, leading to giant mutant arachnids the size of meatloaf with anger issues. One of the teens, Tyler (Seth Green), discovers that giant ticks are no joke; they burrow under your skin, lay eggs in your spine, inhabit your body like an AirBNB and burst out of your body during dinner, ruining a perfectly good camping trip. Will the rest of the troubled teens panic? Or go through the ultimate team building weekend only coming out with  trauma, bite marks, and in one case, half a counselor - or possibly less (but we’re trying to stay positive and are rounding up)? Or will these teens come back rehabilitated enough to become productive members of society for Corporate America? Don’t do drugs kids.

When an archery accident… And a drowning… And the beehive-in-a-bathroom stall maneuver… goes beyond run of the mill summer camp hijinks at Camp Arawak, the top suspects include: a disgruntled cook, a lifeguard with sideburns shaped like murder weapons, and puberty. One by one, campers and staff start dropping like flies in increasingly creative ways - including a curling iron-related incident that, frankly, defies explanation and several laws of physics. Camp can be a magical experience - full of bonding, boating, and occasionally discovering that your bunkmate is an emotionally unstable avenger with a penchant for theatrical endings. Will the counselors ignore the obvious quiet one? Or tempt fate and hold a talent show in the woods after dark?

Problems start piling up like trash during a sanitation strike in Gotham City when a new serial killer, a guy who leaves clues and more duct tape than a MacGyver episode. To clean up the city streets a masked detective, who whispers a lot and stares dramatically, teams up with a woman who steals cats, a cop with one good eyebrow, and a butler who looks like he’s really had enough. Will Gotham survive its most recent coordinated attack from a man in green saran wrap who left more riddles than a crossword puzzle and keeps confusing the living hell out of everyone as even crime lords begin getting nervous? The city waits to see if this mod squad group of misfits can crack the case using their frowns, fists, and interpretive mood lighting.

It all seemed like a utopian society where no one grows old because they murder you at thirty. This brave new world filled with all the futuristic amenities for people who live in a big plastic dome filled with shopping malls, holograms, and jump suits so tight it feels like a flash mob pilates class might break out any minute but isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When the citizens of the dome city mall reach their thirtieth birthday - it’s no party. They’re sent to a ceremony called “Carousel” which promises “renewal” but mostly involves getting zapped to dust while floating. Logan 5 (Michael York) is a professional Sandman who is tasked with hunting down those who don’t attend their birthday party and feel like being exploded. When he meets a woman (Jenny Agutter) who’s dressed like she works at a 70s themed disco yogurt bar he sorts asking questions like “What if being thirty isn’t a death sentence?” and “Why is everyone dressed like this?” And decides to escape the city. Outside the city he discovers a whole new world called “outside”. A place dirt, no food courts and an old man with cats on his head that he didn’t think could exist. Will Logan see his thirty-first birthday and bring the outside in? Or bring glamping back in the year 2274?

The Soviet Union is shocked when one of their submarine captains with a Scottish accent runs off with their newest nuclear sub. Not thinking things through, Marko Ramius (Sean Connery) has had it with communism and lousy food in Russia and decides to defect to the United States without telling anyone his plan. With a rogue stealth nuclear submarine in the water, the U.S. government goes on a high alert and only a nerdy librarian with a gun, Jack Ryan (Alec Baldwin), can figure it all out! With torpedoes, betrayals, fake cookouts, and so many sonar pings than dolphins start to complain, Jack must convince the powers that be that this is not the start of WWIII, but is simply that Marko has chosen his wedding anniversary to his late wife as a good time to defect to the United States. Will he convince them in time? Will courage, diplomacy, and a complete disregard for standard protocol resolve the situation? Or will the world go up in a mushroom cloud of smoke? But one thing’s for sure - always read dust covers of foreign biographies and keep your periscopes clean.

It starts as a nice evening of classical music, there’s no plot - just eight musical numbers, some dancing mushrooms, flying horses, and a demon the size of a city block doing jazz hands on a mountaintop. Then a wizard mouse steals a janitor’s hat and creates a mop army that nearly drowns the orchestra. At one point, hippos wear tutus and perform Swan Lake. Fantasia is what happens when someone gives Beethoven, a paintbrush, and several buckets of hallucinogens to an animation studio. It’s like being hit in the face with a culture cannon loaded with ballet slippers, lava, and existential dread. The music? Beautiful. The visuals? Confusing. The experience? If a broom starts walking around, get yourself a Roomba.