Vegetable stock, right? Sounds like something you’d get nicked for ordering in the wrong pub. No meat, no bones—just a bunch of carrots and onions having a bath together, thinking they’re important. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not useless. It’s like the bloke who doesn’t talk much but knows where the back door is when things go sideways.

You chuck it in when you’re skint or pretending to be healthy. Celery, leek, maybe a bay leaf if you’re feeling flashy, cook it long enough and suddenly everyone’s acting like you’ve done something clever. Truth is, it’s just flavoured water with ambition. But ambition counts. Keeps things ticking over while the real players are getting ready.

And here’s the thing, without it, half your soups and sauces fall apart like a bad alibi. Vegetable stock’s not the star, never will be, but it holds the whole scam together. Quiet, reliable, doesn’t ask questions.