My Bologna Sandwich

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes…and possibly your cholesterol levels…on THIS towering monument to processed meat technology! You’ve got crispy fried pepperoni crackling around like tiny edible cymbals, griddled bologna bringing that classic lunchroom nostalgia, and fluffy pillows of mortadella lounging around like they own the place! Sharp provolone? Ooooh, sophisticated. Somebody’s trying to class up the meat tornado. And then barbecue mayonnaise enters the picture like a smoky backup singer saying, ‘Yeah baby, let’s make this weird.’ Look at this bread! It’s SWIRLY! This sandwich has visual effects! Mmmph! Wow! It’s salty, crispy, smoky, creamy…it’s like an entire deli got sucked into a carnival ride! And somehow the lettuce and tomato are still trying to convince everybody this is a balanced meal. You eat one of these and suddenly you’re legally required to polka.

Ingredients

for two sandwiches

1/4 lb sliced pepperoni
1/4 lb mortadella
1/4 lb bologna
8 slices sharp provolone cheese
4 slices deli swirl bread
1/4 cup mayonnaise
2 tsp barbecue sauce
4 slices tomato
4 leaves bib lettuce

Directions

On a griddle or frying pan over medium heat, fry the pepperoni slices about one minute per side until the fat renders out and edges of pepperoni become crispy. Remove from griddle. Slice bologna to prevent cupping and fry bologna in pepperoni dripping about one minute per side or until golden brown. Remove from heat. Bunch up the mortadella and fry in the remaining fat 1-2 minutes without flipping so olny part of the mortadella is browned. Remove from heat.
In a small bowl, combine the barbecue sauce and mayonnaise. Spread the mixture on each slice of the deli swirl bread. Top two the bread slices with the fried pepperoni, then two slices of provolone cheese, followed by the bologna, two more slices of cheese, and finally the mortadella.
On the remaining two slices of bread top with two of the tomato slices, season with salt and pepper, and two leaves of bib lettuce. Place on top of the other half to close the sandwich. Slice in half.
Serve.